The Wienermobile portends terrible things; avoid at all costs.

Want to avoid the crass commercialism of hearts and flowers on your next Valentine's Day? I recommend picking up a stomach virus. Secretly you know you're just going through the motions as you pour that bottle of wine and crack those crab claws. All you really need is some Jell-O, some dry toast, and a bed that can be freezing cold or broiling hot on a moment's notice. So much more meaningful, and we didn't spend a dime!