Our houseguests left us a beautifully wrapped present when they departed last week. It turned out to be a Squirrel-a-Whirl, a squirrel feeder that (in theory) spins squirrels around as they frantically grab at the corn.
This contraption is not to be confused with those squirrel-proof bird feeders. The squirrels can actually get to the food; they just have to work a little for it.
I suppose if the squirrels were particularly uncoordinated they could be thrown violently to the ground, in which case it would also be a cat feeder, but I'd prefer to think that would never happen and that this is just a sweet, harmless prank on the sweet, harmless squirrels.
Anyway, what happens to the squirrels is moot because the stupid squirrels are not interested in this thing at all. I thought they'd be jostling to line up on the fence, spitting out of the corners of their mouths and muttering ominously as they waited for a turn on the amazing Squirrel-a-Whirl. But nope, nothing. They scamper and chitter around mere feet from the damn thing, but they don't seem to see it at all. What the hell? Why do they refuse to play our little game? Are they on to us?
This is disturbing. I'm going to smear the corn cobs with peanut butter soon, and then we'll see who's boss. If they ignore that, then I can only conclude we are facing down a race of quickly evolving, hyperintelligent squirrels, which means we might be in more trouble than I thought.