Oh, man, I had a sad trip to the store tonight.
First we thought we saw Wallace in a driveway several houses down from ours. The fake Wallace had uncannily similar markings, but once I got closer, it just wasn't him. Not-Wallace's fine, sharp features and gravelly meow confirmed it. Wallace is a little squashier looking than the imposter, I must admit, but he also has a sweet, elaborate, almost baroque meow. Thanks for nothing, stupid faker Tom Waits Wallace.
Then, as we left the store, I realized some pigfucker had stolen my bike light. GOD. I know I should have taken it off the handlebars when I parked it, but I really didn't think anyone would be so pathetic as to steal my little light. I guess you really do have to tie down every damn thing to make sure people don't help themselves. And the best part is that I can only assume that another bike rider stole it. Thanks a lot, asshat. If I'm riding my bike at night and get run over by a truck between now and the time I get around to replacing my light, I am holding you solely responsible.