Amy E. gave me a big bag of evil Mexican lollipops today. They're called Rockaletas, and they've got a chile salt crust, a sweet fruity layer, a spicy sour layer, and a piece of mango-flavored gum in the middle. It was delicious--I love salty-sweet and spicy-sour combinations--but it just about gave me fits. I twitched and cried and staggered and mumbled. My tongue went dark and my teeth were stained gray. It hurt. My coworkers teased me.
But I persevered, and it was worth it, for I felt a deep sense of rightness, peace, and relief when I finally reached the mild gum center. It was intense; I mean, I actually burned my mouth on a damn lollipop. I can't wait until my tongue heals so I can have another one.
Hey, guess what else I burned tonight? Most of my Christmas lemon cookies. Ideally they all would have come out golden, soft, and delicious. Instead most are brown, scablike, and taste like carbon.
But if even one person can learn from my mistake, I will not have failed entirely. So, for your benefit, I present
Joolie's Christmas Baking Tips:
Hope that helps!
Ah, whatever, it's been that way. Last night I ruined an entire batch of prints that I was going to give to people. I didn't figure out what I was doing wrong until I was completely finished and stood staring sadly at a counterful of card stock covered with gloppy, uneven ink blotches. Between that, the cookies, and the Great Rope Light Decoration Disappointment of 2005, I think I give up on festive Christmas projects this year.