Tofu, you messed up my night. Tofu, you taste so fine but hurt me so bad. Tofu, you would be a staple of my diet, but you make me feel like I'm running ground glass through my digestive system. Seriously, tofu, what the fuck? I expected better from you.
Hey, I'm 30. It feels remarkably similar to the way I felt at 29 just two and a half hours ago. I remember standing in front of my parents' full-length mirror on my fourth birthday, wondering why I looked exactly the same as I had the previous night, when I was merely three. I feel a little like that right now, except that I'm not having my birthday party at McDonald's this year.