I swear, it's true!
You might think yours is the best, but I'm afraid it's not so. Did your pen pal send you a package today? Did it have a colorful assortment of Japanese candies in it? Did it have a long letter written tipsily and beautifully on a notecard she designed herself and on supplemental Hello Kitty stationery? Did she include a bag of dried anchovies for your roommate's new kitten, along with a note to the cat advising her to choose hugs over drugs?
Look, I'm sure your pen pal is just fine. I'm sure he or she tries really hard and means well. But the package that was waiting for me when I got home tonight is going to be extremely difficult to top.