Oh, my stars and garters!

It's kind of fun:

More damn photos

I put up a new photo album tonight. Here's the long version: In 2001 I worked with an excellent photographer. She got a grant to live in Italy and take pictures of religious ceremonies and later worked for the Miami Herald. In addition to being talented, she is also very smart, funny, and kind.

Because she is so kind, she offered to teach me how to use a darkroom. I got all excited and ran out and, with some help from friends, shot a bunch of rolls of black and white, and she patiently showed me how to process the negatives, despite my clumsiness and near-inability to wind the film over the spool thingy. She left for grad school before we got a chance to make prints, though, and I pretty much forgot about the whole thing.

Then I got the printer/scanner/monster with the negative frame a few weeks ago, and I realized I had a bunch of pictures I'd never seen. Tonight I scanned them all, and it was interesting to see how all these pictures from three years ago turned out.

Most of them were complete doodoo, and some of them were really beautiful pictures of a friend I don't talk to anymore, which made me sad. So I left those out, for the most part, and posted the rest. They're here if you want to see them.

Thinking putty

It's a short month and I got my tax refund a few weeks ago, so I have a little extra cash right now. That was the only reason I could justify spending $30 on putty. Besides, it's very beautiful, and I'll compulsively put it to good use.

Hey, my workweek just ended. So long, suckers!

What's going on right this second

I'm eating store-brand lemon yogurt. My feet stink a little. I have been busy at work today, so my eyes are dry. I'm listening to the B-52's. I'm glad I don't live in Port-au-Prince.

It's a sunny day, from the looks of the sliver of sky I can see from my window; the majority of my view is of the parking garage. I'm still happy to have a view. I'm going to my favorite Chinese restaurant for dinner tonight. I have no other plans for the weekend. I wonder if I should come up with something to do.

I sort of want a cigarette, but not badly enough to do anything about it. It's hard to write this because I keep getting funny e-mails from friends. I'm wearing pink. I don't usually. My cuticles look like hell. My office is a mess again.

I just finished the yogurt. It was tasty.

Eek.

Wain and I came within half a car length of getting in a terrible accident tonight.

I was on I-35 going about 60 or 70 when the driver in front of me slammed on the brakes to avoid another car with a blowout. Of course the person ahead of me had a slight head start on the stopping thing, so I shoved the brake pedal in all at once. The tires screeched and smoked and I skidded to a stop with about six feet to spare.

Another stroke of luck: the bitch in the Mustang who was tailgating me very closely (Like I can go any faster than the car ahead of me? Like it's reasonable to expect to go faster than 70 during rush hour? Bitch.) had whipped into the other lane about 30 seconds before.

Ooh. That was sort of traumatic.

On a lighter note, Eric gets the Superwinner award for this evening. First, he made me a Couch Flambeau CD this afternoon. I can't really recommend them; they're marginally better musically than the Dead Milkmen and almost as funny, but they cheer me up immensely.

He also just walked in with beer, Peeps, and spring rolls. So I have to go eat my snacks and give him his Superwinner prize now.

Joop!

I passed someone wearing Joop! cologne in the hall today, and I gagged.

The reason I knew it was Joop! was because I hung out with a guy the summer after high school who wore it all the time. It smells pretty nasty by itself, but this guy bathed maybe once every two weeks and doused himself with Joop! every day. He wasn't a punk, and his shower worked fine. I could never figure it out or get him to tell me why. He was a very nice, funny guy, and we had a lot of fun; he just never bathed.

So now I can't smell Joop! without smelling this guy's nasty body odor, kind of like how I can't smell baby powder without smelling urine.

The moral of the story is that artificial fragrances are a tool of the devil. The end.

I am sorry.

The host is very poky today, so everything is either taking forfriggingever to load or is very ugly. Que lastima.

I am also a Philistine.

There are so many movies I haven't seen. People are shocked when they find out I haven't seen Casablanca, North by Northwest, Schindler's List, the last two Lord of the Rings, etc. (Do people do that incredulous thing with books that they do with movies? Has anyone ever said to you, "You've NEVER read The Brothers Karamazov?" and then look at you like maybe you're a little slow? People who bitch me out for not watching certain movies: Stop it. You're feeding my inferiority complex.)

Watching more good movies is on the vague, impossible self-improvement list I keep in my head. I really do want to. So what do I do tonight? I sit around with my sister and watch Who's That Girl on cable. Wow, that is one humongous piece of shit. I was so stunned I couldn't muster the will to turn it off. At least I'd never seen that before either.

I am so lame.

Tomorrow I'll have been taking the Wellbutrin for two weeks. At that point I'm supposed to quit smoking.

I feel pretty good. I haven't gone crazy yet, just been a little tense and talkative. I've been smoking and drinking (and eating and sleeping) a lot less lately. But the quit date sort of snuck up on me (already? I have to quit already?) and I don't feel ready. Not even a little bit. So fuck it. I'm going to smoke just a little longer.

A stupid joke

Q: What do you get when you cross a pirate and a pedophile?

A: Arrr Kelly!

Be sure to wipe your ass on it when you're through.

Do you want to discriminate against someone, but a bunch of mean old judges keep bitching and moaning that it's unconstitutional?

Well, problem solved! Just get out there and change that crappy old constitution!

Rest stop romance

It's good to be home, even after two days.

I got hit on at the rest stop outside of Waxahachie on my way home from Dallas today. The pretext was that my tires were dangerously low and maybe I needed some help. The guy actually kicked them to demonstrate.

Harkin '92!

I was looking for a sweater in my old closet at my parents' house this weekend, and I ran across my 11th-grade U.S. Government notebook. It was filled with notes from the ususal how-a-bill-becomes-a-law lectures, but it also contained a cryptic yet somehow poignant entry.

Meat

My father makes the best steaks.

Balloon hats!

If you want to make balloon hats as cool as this one, you're going to need the Balloon Hat Kit.

The cool suburb

I finally conquered the ague with tea tree oil, hot toddies, and lots of whining.

Now I'm in Plano for a short visit. Visits to Plano are best when they're short. I like my parents, but there's not much to do at their house besides watch TV and go out to the patio to smoke at every commercial break.

Really, the only thing to do in Plano is go to Richardson.

Mummy? Is that you?

Fever dreams are the worst, but at least now I have an idea of what the inside of my skull might look like were it constructed of wooden shingles.

Yeah, I don't get it either. I think I'll go back to bed.

Sick day

I called in sick and went back to bed for four more hours, then slumped around the house all afternoon in Kleenex-linty pajamas.

Around three I got bored with being pathetic and started scanning and uploading pictures. My friend added a ton of photos to his Lomohome the other day. They are very fine and inspired me to start a little page of my own on the site. I used some of the pictures I took with the crazy Soviet camera I got for Christmas.

I haven't really given that camera the attention it deserves because I've been busy playing with the digital one. Also, it takes a long time and a lot of film to learn how to use it well. I've been happy with the handful of pictures that have come out, though, and I think the vignetted corners are super nice.

Poke around on the Lomo site for a while if you have time; some of the pages are pretty amazing.

Other sick day highlights:

Massive vitamin C intake;

Face mask application and removal;

A cautious promise from my sister that I can borrow her boyfriend's old monitor to replace the 12" 1996 model we've been using;

Repeated swallowing in an effort to determine whether I am sick enough to stay home again tomorrow.

Burn! Burn!

There are lots of very interesting stories in the news this week. The (unsubstantiated) rumors make for some pretty good reading too.

Hooray!

I have a cold! My favorite symptoms: the ringing in my ears that sounds like "neeneenee" and the perverse desire to smoke more than ever. Why do cigarettes taste so nutty and toasted when you're sick, even when you know they're burning your throat raw?

What I learned at work today, part two

Okra is a close relative of the cotton and hibiscus plants.

I had no idea.

So click here and soon you will dive into the wonderful world of Hibiscus, Cotton, Okra!

A personal aside: I am very fond of hot pickled okra.

Behold

The ugliest cookie in the world!

That grayish stuff is food color spray, which contains propane, among other things.

We had some friends over for a little cookie party at our house on Valentine's Day. Most of the cookies were gobbled up within a day, even the ones that were aggressively mean or too cute to defile.

But the ugly cookie remains, forlorn and coated with propane. Maybe we'll frame it. Then it will be Art.

Happy Presidents' Day!

William Henry Harrison, American bozo

Yep, snow

We didn't get much snow last night, maybe an inch. But that's a lot more than we usually get, and it came down fast. There was enough so the ground was covered, and we could hear the hush for a little while.

It was pretty great. We took a million pictures and had a snowball fight, which Eric would have won easily had I not nailed him in the ear. After that we called a truce and went inside to make hot chocolate and watch the wrecks pile up on the traffic channel.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Awww, shit.

Slow, slow day at work, punctuated by smoke breaks and valentine-making.

I haven't gone crazy yet, although everything tastes like metal, especially cigarettes. Is that what makes you want to quit?

Brr. Grr.

Now it's 33 degrees outside, and it stopped raining. Why couldn't the people in charge overreact before it was too late? I should be sitting on the sofa holding a mug of coffee laced with whiskey, smirking and watching the icy patches on the driveway melt. Bastards.

It's sleeting!

It's 32.1 degrees outside and drizzling. Come on, snow day!

See that white stuff on the radar? Frozen precipitation.

See?

See?

I wish we would get sent home from work.

Wellbutrin update

Exaggerated sense of well-being
I took my first dose 12 hours ago. Now I am god. I need nothing. I make delicious cakes. Rar.

Let's take speed!

I'm toying with the idea of quitting smoking again. I have a shiny new bottle of Wellbutrin to help me along.

I'm kind of nervous because it made me a little wacky when I last tried it in 2000. (A little wacky=irrational batshit-insane wreck.)

The potential side effects of Wellbutrin:
Severe allergic reactions (rash; giant hives; itching; difficulty breathing;tightness in the chest; swelling of the lips and tongue); migraine headaches;hallucinations; confusion; paranoia; delusions; hostility; bizarre behavior;irregular heart rhythms; fainting; seizures. Dry mouth; nausea; vomiting; constipation; stomach upset; dizziness;agitation; anxiety; rapid heartbeat; lightheadedness; drowsiness; itching;rash; loss of appetite; increased appetite; involuntary movement of the limbs;joint pain; changes in weight; impotence; menstrual complaints; frequent urination;excessive sweating; decreased sex drive; inability to concentrate; tiredness;blurred vision; sleeplessness; ringing in the ears. Difficulty urinating; restlessness; difficulty moving; muscle spasms;increased saliva; tremor; hearing problems; taste changes; shakiness; exaggerated sense of well-being.

The side effect of me not smoking:
I constantly itch to bash in my skull with a hammer.

So. Despite the drawbacks, I'm willing to try Wellbutrin again. We'll see what happens. Maybe I'll choke to death on giant hives. Maybe I'll alienate everyone around me with bizarre, hostile behavior. Maybe my exaggerated sense of well-being will catapult me into a fantastic party-girl lifestyle until I quit the pills and it all comes tumbling down. Maybe I'll even quit smoking. I'll let you know.

I make cake

Aww, look, everybody! Joolie the miracle womanchild made a cake today!

Yes, her thumbs are opposable. Why?

What I learned at work today

Did you know that pigs seek out and eat human feces? Me neither!

I would provide a link, but I couldn't find anything truly definitive on the Internet. I might have eventually, but I decided to abandon my search when some coworkers were looking at this lunacy on my computer and I realized the phrase "pigs eat 'human waste'" was still up in the Google taskbar.

If you know of any credible literature on the subject, please feel free to send it along.

Request

Won't someone buy me a marshmallow extruder?

Dude

Sometimes I just want to run away.

Disillusionment

I always thought the line in the Smiths' "Hand in Glove" was "yes, we may be bitten by bats," but, as with many things, I was wrong.
Too bad; I liked my version better.

Fin de semana

Houseguests
Our friends came to stay for a few days. One friend had lived here for years, but his girlfriend had never been to Austin. It's funny when people come to town and you try to think of the stuff they might want to see, the best your city has to offer, and it's mostly places you've never been yourself unless you're showing someone around. Maybe that's for the best, because a tour of my version of Austin would consist mostly of sitting on the front porch and staring off into space, talking about going downtown and deciding not to, and then walking up to the corner store for more beer and cigarettes.

Anyway, yesterday was pretty, so we met up at Zilker Park (I haven't been since 2002; I forget who was here). We went to the Botanical Gardens and saw plants and fish and sculptures and shit. Later we went to an art show to see my friend Lori's photos. Then we had dinner and a few drinks and stopped by the corner store for beer and cigarettes. It was a fun day.

Gratification
In the midst of all this, I picked up my printer/scanner/copier/monster. It is huge and imposing, and it prints amazing photos.

Impending doom
Eric has a bad cold. He's pale and keeps coughing and snorfling. He's pretty stubborn about stuff like vitamins and medicine and calling in, so I never get to play nursie. Dammit.

Another stupid game
I feel incredibly dumb that I'm so lousy at a game with a name like "Jump and Catch," but I can see its appeal.

My workweek is 99.666% over

This has been, for the most part, a featureless and stupid week, although it was partially redeemed by spending the last few hours looking at pictures of cities and slums. In ten minutes I get to go home, greet my friends, pick up my new multifunction printer, and eat and drink something tasty.

What's her problem?

Why today was bad:
I overslept.
Someone was running a jackhammer outside my office window for two hours this morning.
My pork loin at lunch was dry and gave me gas.
Although come to think of it, the greasy, slimy zucchini that came on the side is probably the culprit.
The Odwalla bar I'm having for an afternoon snack is making me gag, yet I keep eating it.
My eyes are burning.
I have that stupid Justin Timberlake song stuck in my head.
I can't seem to stop complaining.

Why today was good:
We had cake after lunch.
Someone sent me this link.

Indecency with A minor

I think the FCC should stop worrying about bad words and boobs and instead move to ban singing on television dramas.

I've been watching the first few seasons of Homicide this week, and it's really good. The story lines are intelligent and the characters are sharp and engaging. But every few episodes they crack a particularly tough case and go to this bar to celebrate. They drink, and eventually they sing. It makes me extremely uncomfortable, even if it happens in a scene in which characters might conceivably burst into song, like at the aforementioned bar or at children's bedsides (ER was also a major singing offender).

One of the many great things about suspension of disbelief is that it means that well-developed characters don't have to do every single doofy or intimate thing real people do. So cut it out. It's embarrassing.

The roses exploded

Look at them! They're enormous. The rosebush is ancient and has withstood a lot of neglect.

We do have one secret for beautiful roses. Sometimes the boys get drunk and pee on them.

New blog

Well, this is what Eric calls my big-girl blog. I don't know about that, but I'm happy there's a built-in photo album. (Over there to your left.)

Do you like the new look?

Yes.

No.

And, because I promised, here's the merry-go-round:

Sorry about the candy; I ran out. You really should have gotten here sooner.

Click "Main" to see the rest.