Q: What's your favorite clean joke?
A: Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
I took that joke verbatim from the website where I first saw it. I encourage you to read the other jokes on there, great stuff.
Q: Please tell the filthiest joke you're willing to tell.
A: When I was in 7th grade I knew a lot of filthy jokes and used to tell them to 8th grade girls in some odd attempt to gross them out/charm them. Why did I think it would do both?
Anyway... A woman and a man are fooling around in a car late at night. The man starts to slide her skirt up, but she stops him.
"I'm on my period," she says.
"Oh," he replies, "What if we just use our hands?"
She bites her lip, thinks for a minute, then agrees.
A couple minutes later, a cop walks up and taps on the window. "What's going on in there?" he asks.
The man sits up and says, "Uh, just eating pizza officer," while licking his fingers.
Q: Please draw a self-portrait and send it as an attachment.
Technically, my mouth should be open and spouting an opinion (an informed one, but still) or a bit of trivia rather than apologizing for looking simian.
Thanks for doing this Joolie! It's made me get contemplative.
Well, that's it. We did it. That's six posts in one day (and seven in a 24-hour period), all about John. Thanks, John, for your thorough and entertaining answers. Also, that joke was positively revolting.
Vickie's up in the next week or so. Until then, I recommend you keep it here, compulsively refreshing your browser like a lab monkey hoping for crack.